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Thomas R. Clark: The Family Hug Lives On

 

Big hugs!" is how Thomas R. Clark used to announce his arrivals home to his wife, Lisa &emdash; a prelude to wrapping his arms around her. When their only son, Matthew, now 2, grew old enough to speak, he asked for a piece of the action. "Me too," he'd squeal, smiling. Soon, Mr. Clark changed his opening line to "Family hugs!"

In the weeks after Matthew and the new arrival, Whitney, a girl, now 7 months, were born, Mr. Clark insisted on sleeping with them nuzzled up against his chest.

Saturday mornings were set aside for Mr. Clark and Matthew to breakfast together Father and son would pick up cocoa and pastries at Dunkin' Donuts, then sit and watch the trains pass through the Summit, N.J., station.

Mr. Clark walked home from that station every day, returning from his job at Sandler O'Neill & Partners, where he was an equity sales trader. In the summer, when Matthew would play in front of the house, he could see his smiling father from halfway down the block, so he would run to him and jump into his arms.

This is how the family hug became a tradition with variations.

"We still do it, the three of us," Mrs. Clark said, "and my son still smiles. He loves it."

Mr. Clark would have been 38 in December 2001.

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From "Profiles in Grief" of The New York Times